Anguish and emotions
by AnnieKacal
Summary: Bella and Edward reunite after a long time apart. Untold stories may be revealed. *On hold at the moment, will be updated soon, promise!*
1. Blackness

My throat constricted, and I couldn't breathe. This is what happens to people like me. Evil people didn't get what they wanted. The tightness in my throat continued to grip harder, tears pouring down my face. The pain in my chest intensified, and I cried out. I couldn't figure out what was happening to me, I was shaking all over. A big black cloud threatened to swallow me, and I welcomed it. Whatever was beyond the blackness couldn't be worse than what I was going through now.

Through the dark fog, I felt a strong pair of arms hold me. Who is that? I wondered to myself, wanting to open my eyes and see the person who cared enough to embrace me.

"Shhhh now, calm down Bella. You're safe." The tone reminded me of a mother comforting her infant. My eyelids felt so heavy, I wanted to sink into this blissful ignorance…but I also wanted to look into my saviour's eyes. I fought against the heaviness in my eyes, and managed to open them enough to see that I knew this boy.

"Bella, you need to breathe, you'll pass out otherwise. Slow, deep breaths…you hear me?" I did what he wanted me to, and the pain in my chest slowly eased. The band around my throat relaxed and I was able to take great big gulps of air. The tears continued to fall. I finally recognised the boy stood next to me.

"E-Edward?" I mumbled; my words didn't seem to be coming out in the right way.

"Yes, it's me Bella." He smiled gently down at me. I seemed to be still in his arms. I tried to get down, but me being disorientated I stumbled into Edward again. His strong arms caught me and steadied me. I swore loudly.

"This is another one of those hallucinations again isn't it? I'm not really here; I'm passed out in a hallway somewhere. Nice job brain. Don't you think I'm having a hard enough time coping as it is?" I started to walk away, still shaking my head in disbelief. My heart pounded when Edwards cool hands grasped my wrists. Weird, I never felt anything like this in my previous dreams.

He pulled me around to face him.

"Bella, it's really me." He looked at me with wistfulness in his eyes. I pulled my wrist away from him. Half wishing I'd wake up, and half wishing I could stay here with him forever.

"But Edward…you're not here. You disappeared nearly two years ago…I've had to deal with the fact that you were almost 100% likely to be dead…I'd just begun to accept that you weren't coming back." I looked at Edward properly; not believing it was him. He'd barely changed at all. Lost a bit of weight maybe…and he looked very tired. He looked at me through haunted eyes.

"I owe you an explanation, love". I flinched. He hadn't called me "love" since the day he left without warning. So much had happened since then it was hard to deal with.

"I have to go," I whispered, tears starting to run down my face again. I backed away slowly, then turned and ran to my truck. By the time I got strapped in, I looked back…Edward had gone.

I tried to start the engine, but I couldn't see through the waterfall of tears blurring my vision. I felt a soft hand take the key out of the engine, and lift me out of the car. I barely noticed that I was moving. I felt myself be lifted out of what I presumed was a car and I was gently placed onto what felt like a bed. I continued to shake and cry myself to sleep. My last thought was how I couldn't wait to wake up from this weird dream…


	2. Old Routines

The next day I slowly woke up, groaning at my aching muscles. I felt like I'd been asleep for ages. Then the "dream" came back to me. I sat bolt upright, feeling the familiar grief in the pit of my stomach. I rubbed my eyes, and to my surprise heard a deep chuckle from my right hand side. I swivelled my head to the noise, and saw Edward lying next to me.

"You always used to wake up like that." My jaw hit the floor. Edward _was here _with me. I felt a flutter of hope that began to build in my chest…

"w-what are you doing here Edward?" I whispered to him.

He looked me in the eye.

"The truth or the public story?"

I couldn't believe he was asking me this.

"The truth Edward. Don't lie to me! We all thought you were dead…me, Esme, Carlisle..."I trailed off when there was a timid knock on the door.

"Come in!" Edward called. In walked Esme with a tray of food for us both.

"I could hear voices, so I thought I'd bring you both some breakfast." The look of disbelief on my face stopped her in her tracks.

"Esme…why aren't you upset like me…?" I trailed off when I the new development dawned on me.

"You…knew…where…he…was…" all the pain I'd been through for the past two years, and Esme knew where Edward had gone! How dare she betray me like that? Sweet, dear Esme had lied to me. The anger I felt coursing through my veins must have been apparent on my face, because Esme backed out the room.

"I'll talk to you later…Bella" she turned and fled down the stairs. I leaped off the bed and went to run down after her. How dare she treat me like this? Like I was a child! I wasn't stupid. I needed answers, and I needed them now!

Edward was off the bed and in front of the door in a flash.

"Bella… let me explain first. My family only followed my wishes. You've got to understand…please Bella, just listen to me for half an hour!"

I growled as I realised that it wasn't just Esme who betrayed me.

"Fine. I'll listen. But don't expect me not to be angry Edward. You all lied to me.

Edward sighed when he knew I would listen to him. I knew I would hear him out, but I was still reeling from the realisation that he was here, within touching distance…

I snapped myself out of my daydream, got up and began to eat the toast that Esme had left out for us. I didn't look anywhere but the tray on my lap.

When I was finished I got up, grabbed a towel from the rack and disappeared into the bathroom. This routine felt like second nature, but it was tinged with sadness. I knew this was only short-lived. As I relaxed against the feeling of the hot water pounding my tense sore muscles, my mind was on overdrive. I wanted to know what Edward had to say; yet I didn't think I was able to listen without feeling the same sense of betrayal that made me so livid with Esme earlier that day. With resignation I switched off the shower, wrapped myself in a towel. Once I was suitably dry, I went back into Edward's room. He was sat on the end of the bed with his head in his hands. His shoulders were shaking. Obviously he hadn't heard me come in the room. I was torn. Half of me thought I should back out the room, and he would never know I'd seen him in such an emotional position. The other half had other ideas however. Before I knew it, I'd wrapped my arms around him, rubbing soothing circles on his back.

"Shhh, it's alright. I'm not mad anymore…surprised and slightly worried, yes…"

I didn't know where all this had come from; until I realised I was speaking the truth. Just because he left me, it didn't mean anything. Edward clutched at me, I was having a hard job keeping my towel covering me, so I prised his hands off me. I grimaced. I saw a neat pile of clothes piled on my pillow. Alice had obviously been in and put what she thought to be a "suitable" outfit out for me. I smiled at the choice of clothes. She must have know I was mad at her, because she'd picked out a plain pair of blue jeans and a light blue cotton blouse. The underwear however, wasn't something I would wear.

"I should get dressed Edward, stay there." I grabbed the clothes and went back into the bathroom. His emotional state was clearly not great. I grimaced at the thought of the conversation we were about to have. As soon as I was fully dressed I sprinted back into the room. Edward was now pacing around the room, looking more agitated than he had when I'd left less than three minutes ago.

Edward looked at me emotions in his eyes I'd never seen before. He looked like a man burning at the stake. I slumped on the bed. Suddenly I had no energy left in me. I knew it was time to hear the thing he had left me two years ago for…


	3. Alone

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Twilight characters or stories, as much as I wish I did…the characters are entirely Stephenie Meyer's, however the storyline is my own. Enjoy!**

My heart thudding in my chest, I tried my hardest to stay calm. I didn't think I'd heard Edward properly.

"W-what did you say?"

"I have a child with another woman. The woman is Jessica, my daughters name is Renesmee."

"Jessica? The girl we went to school with?" I wondered how I'd have reacted if he'd have been honest with me from the start.

"Yes, her. There's…more."

"More? Edward…just tell me." He looked at me with a desperate sadness in his eyes. I started to cry, I felt as though my heart was breaking all over again. Just when I thought he couldn't hurt me anymore, he dealt the fatal blow.

"I married her. I had to." My eyes fell on the gold band on his bedside table.

The floor shattered underneath me, and somewhere amongst the spinning I managed to get up from the floor, and run to the door. I ran straight past his family all stood around the kitchen. Alice started to go after me, but was held back by Carlisle.

I made it into the drive, where my truck was parked, looking shabbier and uglier than ever next to Edward's Volvo. I knew that this was probably how I looked stood next to him. My tears had dried out by this point, but the throbbing in my chest was getting worse. I felt worse than I had when he'd found me yesterday. I realised with a jolt that he'd never asked me what was wrong. Did he even care? My head was whirling sickeningly fast. It was a miracle I managed to automatically drive myself back to my house. I let myself in the door, my chest tight and my eyesight blurry. Once I collapsed against the door, I allowed myself to give into the darkness, once more allowing it to swallow me.

Some time later I was aware of being on a soft bed again. This time I knew for certain I was in my own bedroom, the smell of freesias and lavender welcomed me to my haven, my safe place, my room. I opened my eyes slowly, waiting for the swirling to start yet again. It didn't.

I sat up, wanting to know how I'd moved yet again. I saw a small figure at the end of my bed. Alice. I growled, and nearly rugby tackled her to the ground. She moved out of my way just in time though.

"Bella, I know you're angry now, but when you take the time to listen to Edward properly then it'll make sense, I promise."

My bloody roared loudly through my ears, and I saw a pulsing red haze form in front of my eyes. Alice didn't even know why I was so upset about all of this. She didn't know what was wrong with me, had never taken the time to ask.

"You don't know what it's like do you Alice? To have the one man you've ever loved, and ever will love just disappear into thin air? To find some comfort in the fact that his family don't have a fucking clue either, and that they're going through the same personal hell that I was? And then to top that all, I try and move on with my life, and begin to trust again - and then…" I stopped shouting, knowing that I very nearly brought up the subject that had pushed me further into the depths of depression and hell.

Alice looked at me with wide eyes, knowing that there was something I had neglected to tell her.

"And then what Bella?" Alice asked firmly.

"nothing, forget it Alice." I muttered, my chest heaving with the effort of my outburst.

Alice flashed me a steely look, and continued:

"You think it was fucking easy for me, knowing exactly where he was and not being able to tell you? To watch you broken and lost without him…it killed me Bella! Because of him, the last two years of my life have been hell on earth. So don't have a fucking go at me for following my brothers wishes, I didn't do it without a conscience you know!" with that Alice stormed out the room, slamming the door behind her.

I was sure she'd gone out the front door, and flopped on my bed. Fresh tears dribbling down my cheeks. I'd managed to upset my only link to Edward. The only part of him I had left. He wasn't mine anymore, I realised with a jolt.

This realisation brought fresh tears of despair. I was truly alone from now on.

**Thanks for reading this, I'm still not sure where to go next, I just keep typing what comes out my fingers! Reviews would be nice though, ta!**

**AnnieKacal xoxo**


	4. Shock

**Disclaimer: The characters and storylines out of he twilight saga are entirely Mrs Meyer's work, however this storyline/plot is my own masterpiece (lol).**

_I was alone._

As it happened, I wasn't. just as I was thinking this, there was a timid knock at my bedroom door. I got up from my curled up position on the bed and slowly made my way across the room. I felt as though all the strength had been drained out of my body. The person on the other side of the door was Alice.

We both ran into each others arms sobbing that we were sorry. I was truly upset about this, wishing that she hadn't had to lie for Edward. I realised again that I should be taking this anger out on him.

Alice and I broke our hug and sniffed, wiping away our tears. I looked outside, and for the first time in a long time I noticed that the weather was sunny and summery. I looked back at alice and said:

"Alice, I need to tell you something. It's difficult for me to discuss - but you need to know this. So just listen, okay?" I looked down at my lap. This was such a big step for me, I hadn't told anyone other than the doctor what had happened.

Alice nodded, looking at me with concern in her eyes.

"Remember last year when you didn't see me for about 7 months?" Alice nodded again. "Well, I'll start from the beginning. It was around the time that I had started dating Mike. We'd gone out on a date, and he was so cute" I remembered, with a tinge of bitterness to my tone that Alice picked up, her face twisting in confusion. "anyway, we'd just come back from a meal at La Bella Italia…where Edward used to take me actually. Mike kept asking to be invited into my house for coffee, and I kept saying no. I had work the next day, and it was already late. Mike kept pestering me, I should have known at that point that he wouldn't take no for an answer…well when I went to get in the front door, mike…attacked me. He wouldn't stop when I said no, over and over again…"

I trailed off, sobbing. I wasn't able to go on with the story. After a few minutes, my breathing slowed and I chanced a glance at Alice's face. It was contorted into an expression of pure rage, grief and raw pain. She looked at me with eyes brimming with emotion, one single tear gliding down her cheek.

She whispered to me:

"I'm so sorry Bella." she gathered me up into her arms and somehow managed to carry my limp form downstairs and out the house. She put me gently in the car, belted me in and went back into the house momentarily. When she came out with a bag full of my clothes, I wondered what was happening.

Alice got in the car, looked at me with those haunted eyes again and started driving out of Forks. I didn't look where I was heading, the tears started pouring out of my eyes in earnest now, I didn't even notice when we'd stopped. I wasn't surprised to find myself at the Cullen household. Alice ushered me upstairs into the guest bedroom, which happened to have an en suite bathroom. She ran me a hot bath, laid out some towels for me and left me in the bathroom. I took a deep breath, and got in the bath. The hot water loosened my stiff body, unwinding the knots in my back and shoulder. As I fully relaxed into the bubbly hot water, I realised Alice was truly upset about what I'd told her. I immediately felt bad for subjecting her to the pain she was feeling right now. I washed my hair and rinsed off in the shower, and wrapped myself in a big fluffy towel before putting on some clothes that Alice had brought from home for me.

As I made my way downstairs, I knew everyone would know by now what had happened to me, including Edward. Funnily enough, the only person downstairs was Carlisle. I turned around, to go back up the stairs again. I really didn't want a confrontation, I was feeling delicate - almost raw on the inside.

Carlisle said softly:

"Why didn't you come to me? I know what I'm doing Bella, and I would have been gentle with everything." He looked sad, as though the news had hurt him as much as it had Alice.

I just looked at him with sad eyes, not wanting to tell him the truth. That the only doctor I had gone to see had been very dismissive of me, as though I'd brought it on myself.

"Carlisle, I didn't want any of you to know about this. It kills me to know how upset you all are. I'm alright though…well now I am.

"What do you mean by that Bella?" Carlisle looked at me through narrowed eyes, knowing there was something I had neglected to tell him.

I sighed, knowing I couldn't hide it anymore.

"Carlisle, I had an abortion."

**Thanks for reading, please please please review, I didn't get any AT ALL for my last chapter!! I need to know if this is along the right lines, or completely wrong.**


	5. Author's Note

**Sorry to do this to the one or two people that might be vaguely following this, but I've decided to give this story up for a little while. I have an idea or two for another bunch of stories, so maybe by the end of tomorrow I should have the first chapter of two other stories. It helps me to have two different projects to work on, rather than just concentrate on one. However, I promise I will attempt to update this within the next month.**

**Also, I am also seeking out a beta reader. I need someone who likes the type of stories I'll be writing, and will be 100% honest as to whether it makes sense or not. Pm me, and tell me why you want to be my beta. Oh, being my beta also means that we should get to know each other too, so if you don't want that then I would suggest not applying for the role. **

**Think that's everything for now. I look forward to hearing from someone (anyone?) soon!**

**AnnieKacal xxx**


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